"A bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn"
Life is full of trials and one does not realize just how many trials one will face when setting out from high school. Graduation is a chaotically happy time. Walking down the aisle, accepting a diploma, celebrating with classmates...no one is thinking about what comes next. Graduation parties and senior trips fill the day and the minds of gradutated seniors. None are thinking about college, except for the fact that it's the next step, one that takes them away from high school; and for many, far away from their hometown. It is a time of excitement, a time for new experiences. None of those students knows what is coming. The first day of fall term comes and freshmen are still buzzing with excitement. Maybe they've had some negative experiences with the dorms or the admissions office, but overall they are still in good spirits. But, as time wears on, they realize that the adult world is not sunshine and roses like they dreamt about in high school. Their fantasy of being independent comes around to slap them in the face. The university is not there to be their friend. They take what money they can get and cater to no one. It is a cruel awakening, but a necessary one. Life doesn't cater to you, nor does it help you up when it slams you down. Life is a bitch.
This past year has been a bit of a wake-up call for me. Still living at home has shielded me from some of the experiences I could have had to give me this wake-up call sooner. I wouldn't trade living at home for much (except maybe some needed freedom...I am chaffing and chomping at the bit a litle). But I have faced my fair share of trials this year. I am facing the possibility of having to add another year onto my education, for a total of 5 years for my Bachelor's Degree, and I am not happy about the situation. Although I am not at fault, being an adult, I must take control of the situation and do what I can to make it better. The shock of being told I have to add another year was devestating. Two of the classes I need to take fall term in order to graduate next spring were offered at the same exact time on Monday and Wednesday. Mind numb, I contacted the only person I could think of who may be able to help me. One major lesson I have learned here to to completely exhaust your options before giving up. I spoke with the director of the Dietetics program to see if there was anything we could do. I even welcomed psychological guidance. She and I concocted a scheme to contact both professors of the classes to see if I could miss a lecture a week of each. After much deliberation and anxious waiting, both professors gave me the go-ahead to register for both (with overrides) and we would look at the syllabi and determine what classes to miss. When I went to register on the 21st, I was informed that the time of one of the classes had been changed to two hours earlier in the day! Problem solved right?
Wrong. While fall term is taken care of, winter and spring term still hang in the balance. Because of my situation, I have not taken a pre-req class for a senior class I need. Well, that might not be a problem if it weren't for the fact that the professor one a spring-term senior class wouldn't have said students can not take a senior class at the same time as said pre-req. Well damn. I was ready to throw in the towel once again, but the Dietetics director told me not to give up quite yet. I have yet to meet with the professor, but she and I have talked and we will meet after the 1st of June (which is my 21st birthday!).
To quote the old cliche: "when life hands you lemons...make lemonade." This saying is so true, despite its overuse. Never give up unless you have to. My battle is not yet complete, and I may come out on the losing end in the war to graduate in 4 years. But I will not give up until I have exhausted all of my options. If I could teach high school graduates one lesson, this would be it. Never give up on anything until you have tried everything. The bolded quote above says it all.
"If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it"
I have felt pretty unhappy lately. I know a lot of couples who have recently gotten engaged and/or married. It is a huge cause for jealousy for me as I wish myself to be in their shoes. I will be the first to admit that I may have been putting too much pressure on my boyfriend to get engaged. I have even been saying that I wish to be married next August. Anymore, I feel like I have ruined the surprise, the specialness, and the experience of the whole thing. I have felt lost lately and can't seem to decide what I want anymore. I constantly feel melancholy and I know if is affecting my relationship. I am irritable (some of which is stress from the above story), quick to anger, and less and less amorous. I feel consumed by this jealousy at times. I know I should get over it, but I feel myself wishing that I was either older or in those other people's situation. How are they any different from me? What makes them better than me? All of these things run through my mind lately and it has been driving me insane.
Zach and I have gone and looked at rings together. But even then, I feel as though I carry a lot of baggage with me while we look. I look at the rings with every other girl's ring in mind, wanting to one-up all of them since my mind feels as though they have already one-upped me. I set high standards for what I want in order to live up to other girls' rings. I am also perfectionistic and I'll wear this ring for the rest of my life; I want it to be perfect. That being said, perfection is not cheap, and I have to consider that my future fiance may not want to spend $4-$6,000 on a ring. Yet, at the same time, I still cannot keep from setting those standards. I really feel as if I am not being fair to him, nor to myself. Along with other issues I am experiencing lately, I am constantly thinking about whether or not this is what I want in life. It is depressing.
This brings me to my second quote for today, bolded above. I don't like the situation, but I cannot change it; but I can change the way I think about it. I am working on thinking about the situation without considering others around me. After all, it's not about all of them. It is about Zach and I and our future together. Every girl dreams about her wedding and I am no exception to the rule. I am choosing to be excited about the prospect but not overly, as I don't want to ruin the surprise for myself. I want to be throroughly surprised and so excited about whatever ring he has decided to purchase for me. I just have to take this one step at a time and focus on what I personally need to get done until then. It's tough, but it's another lesson I have to learn.
I still have many life lessons to learn, but I'll start with these two for now. I have a 21st birthday coming up and plenty of time to learn more lessons life has to offer me.
