A Day of Angst

Warning: The following post may contain anger and unhappiness towards the world

How was my day today, you ask?? Oh simply splendid my dears, just splendid! For those of you who didn't catch it, that last statement was completely sarcastic and untrue. I had one of those days where it starts off fairly well and it seems like a precurser to a fantastic day, but it's all a lie. Like on Christmas, where you see a huge box and you're thinking it's the karoake machine you've been begging your parents for and you open it up and it's just a pair of socks cruely disguised. That was my day. Let the tale begin....

How I woke up should have been indication to how this day was going to go. I had my alarm set for 8:50am so I could be up by 9. I tend to hit my snooze button twice before getting up, so I set my alarm to accommodate for that. I was woken up by a text, at 8:06, from Kat asking me if I was going to the game this weekend (OSU is playing ASU at home). Well, going back to sleep was impossible after that so I decided to get up and start getting ready. I needed to get a parking pass, so I figured it was all good. I dressed and did my hair and makeup with the following results:

I felt like I looked decent so I thought today would be a great day. Well I got to campus and went straight to the Transit and Parking Services office. I waited in line for 15 minutes before arriving at the counter. I told the lady that I'd sent my application for a permit in and she looked at me like I'd grown a second head. "Oh!" she said like she'd never heard of such a thing, or perhaps she just wasn't used to Type A overachievers such as myself. Either way, I found it odd. She came back and said she couldn't find my application. That confused and upset me as I know I sent it in. But, fortunately, she was nice about it and just had me fill out a portion of the form and gave me my parking pass--which cost me $186!

I left Adams Hall (where TAPS is located) and went to find a parking spot in my usual lot. What do I find? A full lot. "No matter" thought I, I'll just drive to the back of the lot, there's always spots there. Do I find any? No. There are none to be found...ANYWHERE! I drove around for 15 minutes trying to find a spot. Finally, I flip a u-turn in the middle of 15th St and whip into a metered parking spot. The bad? The meter is only for 2 hours. It's 10:44. I have a class at 11 and noon. There is no way I'm making it back in time before the meter expires. But do I care at this point? No. This bears saying: I'm not wearing great walking shoes. I was wearing leather boots with fur inner lining with a heel. So I'm practically sprinting across campus to make it to Organic Chemistry on time. By the time I reach my class, with two minutes to spare, my feet are one massive blister. Walking back to my car after my last class was literally a pain.

I left school at 1:15 after waiting in line for a football ticket, to a game which I will probably not go! I got home and did some chemistry review work. It wasn't much of a review seeing as I did not know how to do about half of it. That looks promising for me, no?? Felt like a champ! After completing the problems, I left for my horrible volleyball game. From the minute I walked in the gym, the referee seemed to have it out for me. She disrespected my position as coach, looked down upon me because of my age, and was just downright rude. I'm a passive aggressive person. It takes a lot to piss me off, but boy was she good at it. It didn't help that I was already stressed and not in a good mood, but she really knew how to shorten my fuse. I nearly went off on her. I've never been so mad after a game, even when I played! And I got intense when I played. It took me hours to calm down.

This day was just full of anger, angst, and stress. It has really taken its toll on me. I was exhausted at about 7:30. Those negative feelings really affect a person. You don't realize how much until you just want to lay on the floor, curl into a ball and rock back and forth. I felt so helpless today, like I'd fallen into a well and was slowly drowning while the world watched and some poured water on top of me. It's an awful feeling. Even Zach had trouble cheering me up. I was really down in the dumps today. It's really hard to get out of that rut once you've fallen in. It's like the saying "I've fallen and I can't get up!" Except, I'm not an old lady that's broken her hip, but you get the point.

The positive of my day? I went to another jewlery party at Debbie's house. I'd seen the show yesterday, but it was still fun to see it again, and watch Debbie excel at her first presentation. I simply love that jewlery, and MUST have some at one point. Thank goodness I'm hosting my own party in October! That house always seems to relax me. I love it there!

So while my day was mostly negative, it ended on a positive which is where I'm hoping tomorrow will start and stay even though I have to work. I'm really hoping to not have another negative day tomorrow. I can't take many of those. They wear a person out quickly. But it is time for me to say goodnight and go to bed soon. I have a class at 9 tomorrow, I have to be up by 7. Yay me!

Stress, Stress, Stress

Well, tomorrow is the start of my second year at Oregon State. And obviously, I really don't want to go. I spent a good part of my evening looking at different classes to take. I was getting really stressed out...6 classes with Organic Chemistry? That's just crazy talk! So needless to say, I dropped 2 classes, but picked up 1, so I am now taking 13 credits. I feel like a total slacker, but hell, I'm taking 300-level chemistry as a sophomore! That's gotta count for something. I don't want to overload myself. I operate with my stress level in the danger zone. If my stress level was the nation's terror level, people would be running around like chickens with their heads cut off, storing guns, and preparing for another 9/11 attack at any moment. Yeah, that's how stressed I constantly am.

The worst part about going back to school is how much of a chunk out of my social life it takes. I was really enjoying the summer. This has been the best of my life so far. I'm young, energetic, gaining confidence, and was just having fun with friends. I got out of a bad relationship, and at the end of the summer, got into a new and MUCH better one. This summer went from horrible, thinking my life was going to end, to great and never been happier. So in other words, I've had a totally bipolar and skitzophrenic vacation, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. My friend, Kate, and I grew closer and I gained necessary self-confidence. I'm not nearly where I need to be, but I'm well on my way. I don't want this small chapter of my life to end, but apparently, the author of my life thought it necessary to change the scene. So college, here I come!

No one likes the weekend before school is about to start. It's kinda depressing as you're mentally preparing yourself for daily boredom, maximum stress levels, sitting in an uber uncomfortable desk all day, and listening to a professor drone on and on about something that you never had an interest in learning, but have to simply because it's a required class because for some reason, someone somewhere decided that I have to have a very well rounded education; why I have to study literature as a Pre-Dietetics major, I'll never know. My weekend-before-school, however, was simply amazing! Yesterday (Saturday) I got up at 6:20am---yes AM!---to make it up to Shaw by 8:30 to meet Zach so we could go to the mall to meet his friend Kevin at 9. Kevin is 18 and is marrying his 22 year-old fiancee in December. A little young, in my opinion, but to each their own. So I was the only girl with 3 guys trying to help them pick out a tie. Yeah, fun stuff. You can imagine my annoyance when they guys wouldn't settle on a color. It was supposed to be silver. Once the color was established, it was thin or thick...my goodness.

After the tie-excursion, Zach took me shopping. We ended up going into a jewlery store in which I fell in love with a ring I tried on. It felt like I'd sold my soul and it was being slowly ripped out as I handed that ring back to the sale's lady. Unfortunately, it was $560. Fortunately, there was a sale going on in which it was $250. The downside? Zach and I have only been dating for close to a month. The sale ended today. It was downright depressing. Part of my being died....over a ring. Sad, I know. But I fell in love with that thing, and I'm NOT a ring person. So that's big for me. I had a grand time at the mall, though. It was fun just walking around with my handsome boyfriend, both of us dressed up and people giving jealous looks. It was great! We ended up going out to a movie with his mom and cousin: Easy A. That movie was amazing!!! I could totally relate to the main character...although, not to being accused of being a slut. That much, I'm innocent of. But I loved the humor, and how blunt the main actress was. She did a fantastic job! After our movie, I had planned on going home, but could not bring myself to do so. So I stayed the night once again, and his mom put me in her "fairy rooom." I felt like I was imposing, but she always assures me that I'm not. I love his family! They make me feel so at home. I left his house in the early afternoon after he made me brunch. What a sweetheart! And it was actually edible! A bonus! It felt like I left a piece of me behind as I drove off...

I got home and went to a jewlery party in which I won free stuff. Free is always good. And I booked a party, so I get to experience it even more! It was just so much fun! What girl doesn't like jewlery?? A dumb question, I know. I'm very excited to have my party and I'm sure my college girlfriends will appreciate it as well. I also got to see Kate again today after about 16 days in Hawaii. How I missed that girl! We're definitely going to hang out a lot during school. It just wouldn't be the same without her.

Well, now that I've recounted my fantabulous weekend, the stress is setting back in. I'm still trying to pick out my "first day of school outfit" as it is practically the most important thing about tomorrow. I have to make a good first impression. It seems so middle school, but even in college, it is still true. You haven't seen your friends in ages, so you have to look good, right?? So I'm going to go finish that, then retire to bed early. I need my sleep for school, then my middle school team's volleyball game tomorrow.

So until I write again, goodnight, and good luck to all you college students out there!