Changes in Life as I Know It

I realize that my posts lately have been philosophical in nature (at least I like to think so) and come off as really serious. Well, life can be serious sometimes. It can be fun at times when we take trips with our families or hang out with friends (as I'm doing tonight). Life can be awful at times, like when you lose a loved one, a friend, or you're just having a rotten day. Life can also be scary, as it is a little bit right now for me. I have recently become engaged and will be embarking on a path to the unknown. Yet, at the same time, life can be peaceful and even exciting. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, my new fiance. There is a certain peace in that, as well as excitement to see what the future might hold and of course to have our wedding. But even in my excitement, change is a scary thing. Not just the change in my marital status, but change in my life status.

"Contemplating changes in life as I now know it."

It feels like yesterday that I graduated from high school! There I was, just having given my Valedictorian speech with my best friend at the time, thinking about the future which seemed so far off; taking pictures with friends who I thought I would keep in touch with and hang out with often. Celebrating with family who were congratulatory and very generous monetarily. There were relatives to hug, food to eat, pictures to take, a grad party to go to; all of these things fueled my excitement for a day that I did not want to end. I had worked hard in high school and deserved a little celebration. Sure there was some nostalgia and a little sadness at the fact that I would be leaving behind sports and some friends that were younger than me. But I was excited. College was new, people wouldn't know me there, and it was the start of my future adult life (which to an 18 year old is pretty darn important!).

Not once did I think about what it would feel like to be faced with the uncertainty of the world outside of school, permanently. I never thought I would change majors. I figured that I had made up my mind and that the path that I was currently on was the one I would never stray from. I never guessed that of the friends in the picture above, I would hardly keep in contact with any of them. I was not thinking about the reality that all of us would go our separate ways and become our own people outside of our little hometown of Harrisburg. We had all gone to school together for so long it didn't seem possible. No one could have convinced me that I would be sitting here right now at my computer contemplating the changes in life as I now know it.

"People are supposed to fear the unknown, but ignorance is bliss when knowledge is so damn frightening."

I am entering my senior year of college. I have changed majors, only once; a feat that many college students would be jealous of as I believe the average amount of times students change majors is three. I feel I have found a major that I am interested in and would enjoy working in the field, yet it is not an easy one. There have been many times I have thought about giving up, that the path is much too difficult to travel on, and that I will never succeed. But I have kept plowing forward. And here I am. Only one year away from receiving my diploma and being a graduate of Oregon State University. Through my excitement, however, comes fear. Fear of the unknown; fear of the "adult world" I was so excited to join upon my graduation from high school. Fear of the desolute job market I am faced at entering; fear of failing. "People are supposed to fear the unknown, but ignorance is bliss when knowledge is so damn frightening." And I couldn't agree more. Life was so much more blissful when I had little fear exiting high school--I had no knowledge to allow me to be so. But as I've gone through school and watch others older than me struggle through, it makes me fearful for my own fate. Fear is paralyzing.

But through my fear come age; and with age comes confidence and independence. I am now 21 years old. By no means am I old and wise or really that much older than I was; but I am 3 years older than my 18 year-old counterpart and I feel much wiser for the fact. I have had to shoulder responsibility for my education and social life, I have had to face the reality of the economy I will enter, and recently, I have had to begin to plan my new life in a new family and situation. None of it is easy, but my growing independence gives me confidence. And my successes bolster it. I have found that fear can be useful, if looked at in the proper perspective. I still struggle to loosen it's hold on me, but slowly and surely I will.

"Changes do not undermine me: they define me."

Is change really such a bad thing? I am among those that have always viewed change as the unknown and therefore to be feared. But, is it always bad? I am discovering that no, it is not. Think back: if change had been so scary, I would never have gone to college. If it were so bad, I never would have made my new friends that I have come to love and depend on.

If change were so bad, I never would have started dating Zachary and would not be joining the wonderful family that I will be (whenever we can pick a date). If I had not started dating Zach, I would never have been introduced to the fantastic world of Renaissance Faires, which I find to be so much fun! If I had not started dating Zach, I know I would not be engaged right now and would probably be single or unhappy. If I had not started dating Zach, I would not be who I am today.

If I had not have changed majors I would not be happy in school whatsoever (not that I like school, but it would have been more miserable). Changing majors had allowed me to make new friends, be engrosed in my learning, and make new connections with people in the professional world. If I had not changed majors I would not be doing my radio show: Nutrition Now. If I had not changed majors, I would feel unfulfilled.

Changes, I have found, do not undermine me: they define me. I would not be the woman I am today had it not been for change. Change is a necessary part of human life, an unavoidable aspect of life. It shapes us invisibly day by day. How we choose to respond to change is our choice. Our choice determines how we let it affect us. As I sit here typing this, I realize that I am preaching to the choir (mainly myself) and should take my own advice. And I am trying. (mostly I'm getting distracted by my waistline in my corset in the picture above...but I am trying!) Acceptance of change is difficult and I am doing my best to do so. The changes in life as I know it, really aren't so bad after all.

For more information on the Nutrition Now Radio show visit: www.facebook.com/kbvrnutritionnow 

The Proposal

Since everyone has been asking me, I thought I would blog about how Zach proposed to me!

(P.S. For those of you who for some reason didn't know, Zach and I are now engaged. YIPEEEEE!!!...now back to our scheduled programing)

I turned 21 on the 1st of June, which was during school. Zach had wanted to take me on a trip for my birthday but since he knows how Type A I am and how important my grades are to me, he respected that I didn't exactly want to take a trip with him when I had to be studying for an anatomy and physiology lab final. I tend to get cranky when I'm stressed. So he waited until a couple weeks after school (Father's Day was the weekend after finals, and as much as his dad loves me, I know he'd want his son there for his big day). I have come to discover that Zach is not very good at keeping secrets from me, so he told me where we were going beforehand. We set out on June 22, 2013.

"And so it begins..."

Our first stop on our trip was the Tillamook Cheese Factory. I am of the opinion that you can never have too much cheese, and being the awesome boyfriend that he is, Zach knows this; and since I had never been to the Cheese Factory, it was a necessary stop. I must say, the free cheese samples and the ice cream were the best part. Now, don't judge because if you went there, you'd know what I mean. The factory is kinda neat and all, but who can resist free food?? We then travelled up the road to our ultimate destination of Rockaway Beach. The weather had been crappy off and on, but thankfully it wasn't raining at this point. Lo and behold, there was a small pirate faire next to one of the main beaches in town, so of course we had to stop! We checked out the booths and then went down on the beach and drew in the sand and played in the water. We managed to find a motel that was right on the beach ($112 for one night mind you...with my AAA discount). Our room had a fantastic view though! (this would come in handy later)

For dinner that night, Zach had said he wanted to take me out to a nice restaurant. After consulting with a local at the pirate faire, we determined that the nicest place was Pirates Cove in nearby Garibaldi. In my opinion, it wasn't the nicest restaurant I've ever seen and I feel like the food was a bit overpriced, but they certainly served large portions. Zachary got BBQ swordfish that cost $26 for the plate with fries. Me, being frugal, and not wanting such a large portion, got a cup of clam chowder (I'm also not much of a seafood person...aquatic or masticated). This "cup" was the size of a cereal bowl, no joke! Delicous though. At this point, the rain was really coming down outside and I was looking forward to a relaxing night in the hotel room watching a movie or soaking in the hot tub (I think that was what was most exciting to me besides the view from our room). We got back to our room and Zach said that we were going back down to the beach. I was less than eager to tramp out into the rain and wind just because he wanted to go to the beach again. But, I relented and down we went.

"Most girls cry; not me evidently."

We walked to the beach right in front of our room (see picture) and he told me that he wanted me to write our names in the sand again. First, a stick had to be located, which proved to be a difficult and wet endeavor but at last I found a satisfactory stick. With the wind threatening to blow me over and my umbrella inside out (the latter would have upset me more), I proceeded to write our names in the, dry, sand. Needless to say it did not work well at all and I was a bit peeved that I was out in the cold and wet when I could be inside and dry. I turned around and he stepped under the umbrella. He then proceeded to tell me that his buying a motorcycle had given him the opportunity to do what he was about to do. Confused, I merely stared (or maybe glared...). He dropped down on one knee and asked if I, McKenna Marie Brown, would do him the greatest honor of marrying him. At this point, I am shocked beyond words. I had guessed this was coming after his many hints throughout the day, but even then I still wasn't prepared. Most girls cry; not me evidently. I just stood there with a shocked yet surprisingly vacant expression on my face for a few seconds; even then, words appeared to escape me as I vigorously nodded my consent rather than eloquently saying "yes" as you're supposed to do, right? Unbeknownst to us, two teenage girls were watching us from what appeared to be the room next to ours. They were clapping and cheering and yelling "congratulations" at us. It was very sweet.

"Now I have to face the reality of decision making."

I made my calls to my family members as well as his mother and mass-texted all of my friends, then made it "Facebook official." We all know that nothing in life is official until it's on Facebook. So both my phone and my Facebook page were exploding. Zach had his fair share of people to contact and congratulations offered as well. We both got to bed late that night, but it was a happy night. Even by the next morning it still hadn't set in. It's finally starting to set in. I'm still excited and love showing off my ring, but now I have to face the reality of decision making. When to have the wedding, where, how I'm going to plan, colors, dress, bridal party, on and on on on and on...decisions stress me out and according to my chiropractor, I need less stressors in my life. It's killing my back, neck and hips. Maybe I should let Zach do the planning, eh? HA! That would cause me even more stress. We've already disagreed on the color scheme I have chosen. I have a feeling it will be a long road ahead of us. But, for now, I'm going to attempt to enjoy being a newly-engaged and revel in my new relationship status and being the first Brown cousin in awhile to become engaged.

*Note these pictures were taken the day after the proposal happened*

<3Hey Baby, I Think I Wanna Marry You<3

Engaged: June 22, 2012

Wedding: TBD