Growing Up...Growing Older...Whatever You Want to Call It

(Yes I realize that I have been horrible about keeping up with the whole blogging thing...I have a horrid memory and I've had other more important things to do. Okay? Everyone settled? Moving on.)

So I have decided to dedicate this post to an event that no one can avoid: growing up. It happens to us all. We are born, we slowly grow, we shat ourselves until we are potty trained, we cry for what we want until we turn about 18 (okay, that's a stretch...but for some is true), we become uncoordinated as our limbs grow faster than our brains can work them, our bodies begin to change (for boys this may take some time); but it all boils down to the fact that we are growing into adult human beings. It is unavoidable, inevitable, and frankly sucks at times.

I remember as a little kid thinking that I couldn't wait to be older. I'd get to wear all the cool clothes that the big kids got to wear which were, let's face it, downright ugly by today's standards. I'd get to stay up later and watch all of the hip shows that my older friends got to watch. I'd get to learn how to drive and not have to depend on Mom to be my personal taxi service forever. I'd get to make new friends and finally have some freedom! Growing up sounded great to me. But I didn't realize all that came with it.

I started college and adult life kinda hit me in the face. Mom and Dad weren't going to pay for everything anymore. Yes, they still gave me a roof over my head and fed me. But tuition, books, clothes, etc weren't paid for anymore. Not only that, but I had to become responsible for myself and my actions. Life wasn't as simple anymore. No longer could I go to school, not pay attention, go to practice, and then come home. No, I actually had to apply myself. I had to learn how to study, and become a good test and note-taker. It hasn't been easy! I began to re-think my childhood yearning to become an adult.

Now don't get me wrong. There are great things about being an adult! I have much more freedom, the social parts are WAY better, being in college has given me the opportunity to grow, I have made many more friends, I am way more independent, and I am overall happier. I am excited for what life will bring me in the form of a job and a place to live. Being an adult can be great sometimes! With bad there is always good. A silver lining of sorts.

I just want to let all of you middle schoolers, high schoolers, and just plain ignorant people out there that being an adult takes work and responsibility. You have to be a contributing citizen. Don't go out into the adult world expecting things to be handed to you on a silver platter by a freaking Playboy Bunny (guys!!!). It doesn't work like that. Look at the economy right now. Even before this shit-storm we are in now, people had to work for what they had (unless you are like freaking Paris Hilton). The American Dream is still attainable...it just requires a little more work, that's all! My advice? Go to college. Get an education. And not some bullshit, malarky degree like Underwater Basketweaving or something that you will never find a job in. You need to find something that you enjoy, but that will also have a job (more than likely) waiting for you when you get out of college. Just be smart, try your best, and have fun! You only live once (unless you are Hindu), so live it up!

On a happier note, look at my new baby kitty!!!! Zach and I got a baby kitty last week and he is so precious. Everyone say hello to O'Malley!!

Boys and Video Games

So it has been like forever since I've posted on here. Life has caught up with me and I was super busy until school got out...and let's face it, I completely forgot to document my pathetic life on here. So I'll give a quick summary of everything since my last post then get on with the real theme of this post:

So I ended winter term with a 4.0, my first EVER at OSU :) and started Spring term with great difficulty. I had issues with a professor in one of my classes and found out that if I dropped the class I would lose my scholarship if I didn't pick up one more credit. So I ended up with only 12 credits and 3 PE classes to fill up my schedule. Microbiology was pretty cool with all of the labs, and my lab partner K'Dean and I rocked the place! Biochemistry was interesting in itself because my professor often sang songs that he'd written. Now, don't get me wrong, the class was hard as hell with 3 tests and a cummulative final. But somehow (divine intervention maybe?) I managed to get an A and seal another 4.0 :) After the year ended, I got to spend a much needed break with Zach (yep, we're still dating, celebrated 10 months a few weeks ago and are still going strong, in case you were wondering) and for my birthday he took us boogie boarding (it was AWESOME!); as well as hunt for a job. I have recently accepted a combining job for a family friend and am hoping to also get hired on at Red Robin in the next week or so.

Now that we're all caught up, on to the original post topic: Boys and Video Games!

The other night I found myself accompanying Zach to (yet another) Halo party with friends and I found myself wondering, what is the appeal of video games to boys? Granted, I do enjoy video games now and again, but the ones I choose are not single person shooters such as Halo. I personally enjoy the Fables. Is it, perhaps, that it is not acceptable for men to show violence in today's society so they must take out those urges in video games? It is often very loud at these parties with exclamations such as: "BOOM! Headshot!" or "Double Kill!" that it makes one wonder if these seemingly tame men are in fact serial killers at heart or have violent tendencies. I know for a fact that the boys I was watching play are very sweet and wouldn't hurt a fly, but if one did not know this fact, it could be assumed that they are violent after watching them play Halo. I have noticed that games today have become increasingly more violent in nature. It seems to be a trend in society today and could be the cause of more angry teenagers. This is just my thought, of course, but I don't understand why video games must be so violent and what the appeal off blowing someone's head off or "spawn raping" them is.

Yet another reason may be the fact that men are known to love guns, as opposed to women. I know that my boyfriend loves guns and weapons in general. Games such as Halo are known for their weapons. The sniper rifle, a favorite of the boys at this party, is in high demand and often fought over during games. This love of weaponry may be due to the part of men that naturally want to protect their family or team. Or, perhaps, it is because men wish to display dominancy. Better guns, or better proficiency with guns allows them to do this. I have heard many guys boasting about their abilities in games such as Halo with different guns and have heard many different preferences (by the way, my favorite is the Needler). No matter the preference, a guy shows his abilities by how well he performs with this weapon and many times a guy will play until he has mastered the use of said gun.

It is a known fact that the people of my generation (Generation Y as I was informed by my sister the other day) are EXTREMELY connected through many different mediums now: the Internet, texting, chat sites, gaming sites, networking sited, etc. However, although we are so connected, we are the most disconnected generation in regard to person-to-person contact. There are so many ways to communicate with our fellow human beings that does not require human contact that we prefer to keep it very impersonal. Everyone knows that our generation is very lazy, well I think we're a bit smart too. I mean, if no one expects us to have "normal" social interaction, why would we? We have learned how to best utilize the technology presented to us. Had it not been presented to us, we wouldn't have it to exploit. But, back to the original topic. Not only can guys display domincancy and be violent towards virtual humans, but they can talk to teammates and other people around the world through Xbox Live. Be you the local idiot or the city genius, you can chat with the people you are slaying and the people protecting you. It is the perfect way to never leave your mother's basement, yet still have social interaction. Because, let's face it, humans are social creatures, and even video game nerds need to have SOME human interaction (though I'm sure it would never be with a girl, ever).

I don't know about any of you, but I often find myself easily bored. What better way to relieve boredom than a favorite pasttime?? Unfortunately, America's pasttime has began to move to those that involve the television or computer screen. In correlation with this shift, many people have picked up video games as their preferred pasttime. Based on my own experience and watching others play, it is easy to lose oneself in a game. Time seems to fly (as well as brain cells die) when focussed on a tv screen, engrossed in a game. Hours can pass that feel like minutes. With the proper conditioning (and attention span-which I lack) one could spend all day flicking ones thumbs and staring at a screen. The problem seems to be that no guy has a better pasttime (well....not entirely true, but for many, that requires a girl, which is scientifically impossible to obtain without leaving the basement and entering the real world) than video games. It is an issue that plagues the young male population of this nation.

Whatever the attraction is, I do not think I will ever completely understand the attraction of video games to the male gender. I'm sure my efforts are futile. But, I hope that I at least got a smile out of you readers at least once throughout my thinking aloud and semi-rant. Zachary, if you're reading this, don't feel bad. You're a guy...it's in your genes.

A World With You

I would feel lost in a sea of confusion in a world without you
My heart an endless ocean of sorrow.
My soul would be a wintery forest
Awaiting the promise of sunshine on the morrow.

I would forever long for your smile
That raises me from the depths of despair.
Within your embrace I find your boundless love,
And I find myself surrounded in adoration there.

I desire to be showered by your devotion
And to feel your passion.
To grow steadily more in love with you
Because of your amazing compassion.

A world without you would be no world for me.

You're the one for me, no one else.
My heart sings knowing you are mine.
I want to hold you and be yours and only yours
Until the end of time.

Your tears fill my heart with love
Seeing you with emotion is like lighting a fire in my soul.
I love you more with each passing day.
Your eternal happiness is my one life goal.

I would want to be nowhere else than holding you
And drying your tears from your handsome face.
Kissing away your liquid joy
Comforting you with my warm embrace.

I long to snuggle into your chest
And to feel safe, warm, and loved.
Knowing that I belong to you, and you to me
Is the greatest gift from above.

I ache to see your smile, your eyes light up and your adorable blush.
To feel your happiness radiate from you.
It brightens my day every time
And more of my heart melts in your hand too.

You are the only man in the world to me.

You're everything I've ever wanted
Everything I've hoped for, and everything I need,
Yet, nothing I deserve.
But with you is the only place I want to be.

You are the most wonderful thing that has every happened to me
And are perfect for me in every way.
And I grow to love you more and more my Zachary
Each and every day!

I love you Zachary Andrew Parker,

with all my heart.

You are my life, my world, my happiness and my joy.

I miss you terribly

and can't wait to be reunited once again!

P.S. I love you!

A Weekend of Turkey and Gluttony

Everyone loves Thanksgiving! It's a holiday full of family, friends, giving thanks, and best of all: amazing food! I know my favorite food is hard to choose. But, every Thanksgiving, the following can always be found on my plate: stuffing, mashed potatoes, turkey, and green bean casserole. The first three items are all smothered in turkey gravy. I'm odd though and my food cannot be touching when on my plate. I know that it's all going to the same place, but I don't want to taste jello on my potatoes. The two just don't go together, and their tastes don't combine well. Call me weird! As a child, I must have had a hollow leg and a crazy metabolism (or so I hoped) because I could put away at least 3 plates of food! Alas, now I can only handle one. And this Thanksgiving, I was only halfway through my plate when I began to feel full. Perhaps that was because of the homemade Chex mix I ate? I don't think so.

In my family we rotate families to celebrate Thanksgiving with. This year it was my mom's family in Eugene. I was a tad disappointed because I enjoy my dad's side of the family very much, but I'll get to see them at Christmas, maybe. This holiday, however, was slightly different than usual. I had a boyfriend to consider. He wanted to spend the holiday with me and vice versa. The problem? We live an hour apart and our dinners were at the same time (3-3:30ish) and were an hour and a half apart. Big problem. Thankfully, Zach's mother (whom I now love more than ever) suggested that I come up a day early and spend time with the family and then we'd leave after Zach's extended family arrived, therefore, we both spent time with both families. So Zach and I left the booming town of Shaw at about 1:45 on Thursday and made our way down to Eugene and had dinner with my family. I swear that my grandparents must love him or something. Even more than my parents! My grandpa called him "Big Man" (something reserved for my father) and grandma gave him a hug, thanked him for coming, and even remembered his name! I'm pretty sure Zach was very flattered. If only my parents could return that same welcome and goodbye. I hope one day they do.

Little did Zach and I know, but our Black Friday shopping experience was going to start sooner than we realized. I'd planned on being ridiculously crazy, getting up at 3 and being in town by 4. Did that happen? Nope! I was in town by 11:45 Thursday night! Walmart opened up it's sale at 12:01, so you can bet that I was in line vying for deals along with the whole city of Eugene, I swear! From Walmart we proceeded to Kohls to wait in line with Debbie Kelson. Boy was it cold! Thank goodness I have a portable heater, aka Zachary Parker! My man is great at keeping me warm, and is a great snuggle buddy! Girls, I don't share, and yes, I do bite! Kohls was crazy once inside, the line wrapped around the whole store. I sent Zach ahead to wait in line at Target which opened at 4 am, an hour after Kohls. After making my purchases, I ran to Target, found him in line and we went inside. Both of us were on a mission, so we split up and met up again later. According to Zach, he witnessed two people fighting over a last video game. Shouting took place and poor frightened Zach dashed away to find me. Hopefully now he sees how insane people are when the really really want that "great" deal on an item that will be even cheaper in the Day After Christmas sale. Way to go folks! The line in Target was even worse! Thankfully, the employees were really efficient and we made it through the line in no time. From Target, our next stop was JCPenny. Unfortunately, the suit jacket I wanted to buy for Zach was nowhere to be found, it was depressing. So our next stop was Game Stop in the mall where my frugal boyfriend found an even greater deal than the one we'd just found at Target, so it was back to Target we went to return the game. Our final stop of the morning was Fred Meyers. As with JCPenny, this stop was also a fail as the jewlers did not have a watch band to replace the one that Zach had broken. So we left in defeat and journeyed home. I'd tell you all what I purchased at each stop, but then your presents wouldn't be a surprise, now would they?? I ended up going to sleep at 8 am and waking up at 10. It was a LONG day. An eventful and fun one, but long and exhausting!

So I've told you about the "turkey" part of my weekend, but where is the "gluttony" you might ask? Well you could say that shopping on Black Friday could be considered gluttony, but the part that I would define as gluttony would be the part where I never really left Zach's side. This is because next week is Dead week and the week after is Finals week. My policy is that the entire week of dead week and that weekend before finals is totally dedicated to studying. I lock myself in my room that weekend and study like crazy. It's how I do well on my finals (in general). So that means no boyfriend time for almost 2 weeks, because I have a final that Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. It really sucks, but I have to keep my priorities straight. School is top priority right now, even though in my heart my Zachary always comes first. It really is hard, but one day I'll marry that man and I won't have to worry about not seeing him for large periods of time. But for now, I'll have to live with the separation. I view it as a good thing because our time together after the separation will be even more special! The next time I get to see him, he'll be a groomsman in his best friend's wedding. So I'm excited for that!

Well, I have to get up early tomorrow morning. I'm going to try to get Civil War tickets so I can see the top ranked Ducks beat the Beavs hardcore! And since I'm a student, I can get tickets for free! But I have to get in line early to do so. I have no idea what I'm going to do after waiting in line, since my first class doesn't start until 11. But I'll figure out something. So I better get to bed soon sice 5:30 will come sooner than I think!

My study poem

Well, I'm sitting on campus bored, and I should be studying. But do I want to? Noooooooo! So I decided to write this little poem to ease my boredom and it pertains to a class...so it counts, right?

Reactions, Reactions, Reactions

Organic chemistry, how I loathe thee

Everytime you show yourself.

Your mechanisms and bonds and molecules

Make my life a living hell.

Yet though I hate you

With more passion known to man,

With the help of this poem

An A on this midterm I will land.

SN1 substitution reactions are a thorn in my side

With their special reaction rates.

With two steps and rearrangements possible,

An alkyl halide they make.

SN2 reactions are similar, but slightly more simple

Than those of SN1.

With only 1 step and 1 simple product

My work is quickly done.

When identifying the type of reaction

Remember this simple rule:

SN1 is a poor nucleophile, and SN2 anionic and good.

This is your greatest tool.

Alkane reactions are simple

And even sometimes fun.

But when alkenes undergo elminination

Their double bonds come undone.

When dealing with elimination reactions
Zaitzev's Rule is applied.
Take from the beta-hydrogen with the least H's
And a good grade on your midterm, you will not be denied.

E1 elimination reactions

Also have a multiple step rate.

Removing beta-hydrogens

An alkene product they make.

E2 elimination reactions, as with SN2

Are more simply done.

With one single step, and a (usually) predictable product

These reactions could be considered fun.

E1 and E2 reactions

Have something special one must keep in mind:

Different isomers are possible,

Cis and trans being those two kinds.

Cis has the highest priority groups

On the "z"ame side.

Trans has them opposite

Clearly as a result of pride.

There is one special rule

When dealing with E2,

If only one beta-hydrogen exists

Only one isomer exists too.

Cycloalkanes are cool

And special too

In E1 the leaving group can be equatorial

But must be axial in E2.

When identifying the type of reaction
Remember this simple rule:
E1 uses triethylamine (NEt3), and E2 a small/bulky base and its solvent.
This is another great tool.

Addition reactions of alkenes

Are more complicated still.

With unsaturated molecules,

Their bonds you will fill.

With Alkene reactions,

Markovnikov's rule is put into place:

The electrophile adds to the carbon with the greater number of H's

And every exam you will ace.

The addition of a hydrogen halide

Is simply seen.

Through hydrohalegenation

An alkyl halide is derived from an alkene.

Through the addition of water

With a acid catalyst's aid,

An alkene goes to an alcohol,

And a alkane product is made.

When an alcohol is added to an alkene

With an acid catalyst as well,

An ether product is formed,

And it's easy to tell.

With the addition of a halogen,

Using dichloromethane,

Halogenation reveals a vicinal dihalide

And an intermediate ion that is in one plane.

And finally....

In Oymercuration-Reduction

Water is added in

With no rearrangements possible,

The product is easy to pin.

When taking an organic chemistry exam,

Always keep this in mind:

Just relax, you know more than you think you know,

And you'll do just fine!

Catching Up

Wow! Has it really been 3 weeks since I've written on here? Holy cow it's been awhile. I guess I've just gotten so busy in real life that I haven't had time to entertain you all with the thrilling tales of my day to day existence. In that case, I've got a lot of catching up to do....

Let's see, my last entry was on October 17th...what's happened since then?? Well, for starters, I've had 3 midterms: 1 math, 1 nutrition, and 1 organic chemistry. Let's start with math, since it came first. My math teacher is pretty much a featherbrained platinum blonde with a high voice and a lisp....kinda annoying! Anyway, she finally posted a midterm review like the Friday before our midterm (which are always on Tuesdays for that class). I got started on Sunday night and knew right away that I was screwed. It is usually not a good sign when you look at a practice midterm and have no idea what you are trying to solve for, or even how to solve the problem. Needless to say I was in a pickle and starting to panic. So what do I do? Call Zach! His brother is a math genius...he'll help me! Wes was a gigantic help and in no time at all I was done with the review and before I knew it, Tuesday had rolled around and my midterm was upon me. As soon as I sit down in my seat and await the start of the exam, the guy next to me turns and begins a conversation like I've known him forever. I've never seen this guy in my life! Yet he rattled on like we were old friends...I guess some people are just uber friendly or this was his subtle way of hitting on me. Either or, I was weirded out. But after finishing my test, I felt pretty damn good. And my score proved it: 90%. It is now apparent that I have multiple reasons to date Zach now. 1) his charm 2) his dashing looks 3) his loyalty, honor, kindness, and overall personality and 4) his brother Wes! Good reasons in my opinion!

My next midterm was my nutrition midterm the week after math. I spent the weekend before at Zach's. Zach and his dad went hunting that Saturday morning so I decided to utilize my time and study for nutrition by taking a butt load of notes. Now that's dedication! I felt very confident in my knowledge for that midterm...so I was a little disappointed when I only ended up getting like an 87-88%. It's nothing to sneeze at, but I was still frustrated with myself. Simple mistakes, I assume. I wish that could be said for my organic chemistry midterm. I went in feeling very good about this midterm too. But as soon as I saw that test, my heart sank, my mind shut down and I began to turn on panic mode. I left that exam room feeling absolutely awful! I stayed at Zach's that weekend too and had him look up my score for me: 79%...the class average, but not my usual par. Needless to say I was a little disappointed, but at least I didn't fail as I had feared.

After my chem midterm, I headed up to Western Oregon University for their Halloween Dance, a tradition of sorts. I attended last years' and had a blast. This time, I took a date with me: Zach. We both dressed up at vampires/pirates. I, in my corset, a ruffly black top, leggings, and boots and Zach in a ruffly white top, a vest, black pants, and long black boots. We made quite the stunning couple and I got tons of compliments on my outfit! I spent the night at my friend Kate's house and then went to school the next morning. After school, I picked up my unbiological sister Jenny and we both went to the Celtic Thunder concert! Oh my gosh! It was so much fun, and the music was amazing! Right after that, I drove straight up to Shaw, changed into my costume, and went to a Halloween party with Zach. The weekend was spent watching movies, carving pumpkins (which he made me gut...something I've hated since childhood), dinner out, and trick-or-treating. It also happened to be our 2 month anniversary on the 30th. Love you baby!

This past week has been a rough week. I haven't been sleeping well, I found out I have another math midterm this coming Tuesday, and my classes are all moving super fast with the material. This weekend was welcomed, even though Zach spent the weekend down here. It's always rough...but we made a pumpkin cheesecake, which turned out beautifully! We watched the Duck game, and today spent time with my second family. We even had a heart to heart talk and I got out some emotional baggage of my own. It's great to be able to trust him with that stuff. It's a nice and welcomed change from the past...

But, now it's time for me to get some sleep...I need to really get some good sleep for the coming weeks. They're gonna be long...

Date Night

Remember those times in high school where you'd dress up for the dance, go out with your date and just have fun? Well who says those times have to end when you reach college??? I say that I can dress up and go out whenever I damn well please! And so, that's what Zach and I did Saturday night. Commence the weekend tale......

This weekend was Zach's weekend to come down to my house to stay the night. He arrived Friday night. Little did he know that I had plans in store for us. I took us up to Skinner's Butte in Eugene. I was warned ahead of time to go up when it was still light out, for it is not located in the best part of town...aka pot-smoking, tree-hugging, crystal meth tweaker central. Nevertheless, with my big hunking man to protect me, I had no fear of the drug dealing Eugenians. I found a random trail and we proceeded to hike. We ended up at the bottom and Zach gave me a piggy-back ride all the way back to the top. What a trooper! We then watched the sunset together, me cuddled up next to him with his jacket on (I was cold! As usual). It was very romantic. I also presented him with a card. This card was just a tangible, written version of my feelings for Zach. My dear Zachary. I thought he was going to cry.....I know I almost did. I couldn't think of a better way to spend a Friday evening. We even finished off the night with my favorite Disney movie: Beauty and the Beast!

Saturday dawned and I woke up and made my love waffles....from scratch! Not just any waffles. Chocolate chip waffles!!! They were delicious, I must say. We then ventured to Bimart and Safeway for some grocery runs (including finding him white underwear...the purpose of which will be revealed later). Then came the best part. My second mother, Debbie was kind enough to do my hair...as usual and help dress me up with her wonderful jewlery that she sells. Premier Designs: you are like my new hero! I felt like a million bucks!

Doesn't he look great??? I LOVE his white suit! Not many guys can pull it off, but mine sure can! I felt so lucky to have such an amazing looking date by my side! We had to many amazing pictures taken before we even left.

What a keeper right? Just the look on his face is enough to see how much he loves me. It never ceases to amaze me. And how he's holding me with such care. Debbie did an amazing job taking these pictures! Thanks so much Debbie!! (I know you're probably reading this)

So we went out to Olive Garden, shared soup, salad, and breadsticks, spinach and artichoke dip and a lemonade. It was so romantic. The funniest thing was that we were called Mr. and Mrs. Parker by the hostess. It was really odd. Just because I had a ring on my ring finger doesn't mean I'm married. Especially since the ring did look fake, at least in my eyes. But I suppose at a distance one could be mistaken. But do I look old enough to marry??? (that's a rhetorical question by the way....) Dinner was super good and I had an amazing time, as I knew I would! The best part? Sitting next to my love and looking into his eyes and seeing the emotions there. Knowing that this is actually something real. Something I've never experienced. That was my favorite part. We had planned on going to Sweet Life, but you know what Zach said? He said he'd just rather go back to the house and have snuggle time. Awwwwwwwwww! What a perfect guy! I'm a snuggle whore so of course I couldn't say no! Especially since we snuggled while watching The Princess Bride. Best. Movie. Ever. Period. "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!" .....I just had to! You know you were expecting it...don't lie!

It's always a hard thing when he has to leave. I nearly burst into tears this time. It feels like a part of me is missing in his absense. Like there is a hole that can't be filled. Luckily, this time, he left me his quilt, so I can imagine his arms wrapped around me like the warmth of the quilt. It's a comforting thought. I don't know if I'll ever give it back. Sorry babe!

My night was filled with math. Lucky for me, Zach's oldest brother, Wes was willing to help me. Love you Wes!! And I eventually got through it. Hopefully some of it sticks with me, or I'm screwed on my midterm coming up on Tuesday. Please God help me get through it. And since my brain is like dead, I'm exhausted and I think it's time for me to head to bed. I may be getting sick, so I need my sleep. Good night all!!

My love; my Zachary,

You're probably reading this again, and I want to thank you for being the wonderful you and the amazing boyfriend that you are. I am truly in love with my best friend and it feels amazing. I could not ask for more. Once again, this post is dedicated to you, my love. My heart is and will always be forever yours.